Here for YOU!

Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes


When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow


It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes


Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies


When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow


It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail


And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace


- "Sometimes" by David Crowder


Today, I bought the Passion 2011 CD. Oh, my gosh.. Every song hit me and brought a new truth to my life. I've had surgery. Thursday, I had my gallbladder taken out because it was ineffective and was causing me harm and illness. Since Thursday I've been selfish and undeserving of help. Every day that passed by, I was angry because someone didn't come see me, and I wasn't getting the attention I thought I deserved. I kept thinking,


"I DESERVE TO BE VISITED AND SHOWERED WITH ATTENTION. I DO EVERYTHING FOR THESE PEOPLE. THEY COULD AT LEAST VISIT ME." 


The beauty in my selfish attitude was that God was showering me with His attention and His love. He was healing me despite my haughty attitude. I was so upset that my own father refused to come visit me, because he was the one person I wanted to be with me. The even more beautiful yet vitalizing truth is this, and I've said it before:


Even though I don't have a perfect father on Earth, I have a perfect father in Heaven who didn't just visit me after my surgery, but held my head in His lap during my surgery and carried me out of the operating room and into my bed that night. He is my dad. The King of Heaven is MY DAD! And He loves me and wants me to have the life I never thought I could have. He WANTS me to have the happiness I DON'T deserve. I am so undeserving, and He gives. And gives. And gives.


Let me be honest and completely thorough for a moment:


Without the grace of God in my heart, I would never:
1)  have realized my true beauty in Christ. I would have literally died from not eating and doing drugs of all natures. I probably would have died in in-patient rehab for anorexia. By the grace of God, I was saved from myself. 


2) i would never have realized my true beauty in Christ (again), but this time in a more complete and thorough way than ever before. I would have let whom I thought to be the "perfect man" continue to verbally abuse and control me, and continue to rape me. God saved me from him and purified my heart because Lord knows I needed it.


3) I would never have completely purified my heart from alcohol, sex, and drugs. Up until recently, I have been addicted to these things and have been absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt, destroying my body and my heart because I thought, "it's MY life. I can do what I want." 

4) I would never have had the strength to see and let the love of my life walk way from me to fulfill his own life desires. Without God's never ending, unfailing, love I would never have been able to run to my Father and with open arms like a kid whose been hurt on the playground.

5) Without the love and strength of Almighty God, I never would have applied to Toccoa Falls College, where I got a $4,000 scholarship to be a Biology/Pre-Med major and finally fulfill my calling to be a MD. This also means I never would have received God's calling into my  life to become an Oncologist and cure cancer one day. 


So what does this:

and finally this!

MEAN?!?

It means that through all of that, God is still on the throne of Heaven and in my heart walking with me day. after. day. I'm blessed. You are blessed. BE BLESSED!

"And where You are, Lord I am free. Holiness, is Christ in me. Lord, I need You. Oh, I need You. Every hour I need You. My one defense, my righteousness! Oh God, how I need You." 

"Waiting here for You, with our hands lifted high in praise. And it's You we adore, singing Alleluia!"